2026: REFLECTIONS & RESOLUTIONS

My mind has been elsewhere, so I haven’t really had an opportunity to sit down and compose this beforehand, so please excuse how disjointed and frenetic this might read.

Earlier this month we got hit by an insane heatwave which lasted about five days, with dry and windy conditions producing a number of bushfires across the region and suffusing the air with smoke. It was a bad week to be someone with sensitive lungs (childhood asthma and pneumonia, baby!) and an inability to fall asleep without being covered by something. We’re lucky that a cold front rolled in right after, bringing with it the heaviest rain I’ve ever seen, and allowing everyone to breathe a collective sigh of relief.

What can I say about 2025? To say that it “flew by” would suggest a momentum that wasn’t there. Instead, I stumbled through a dense fog, allowed everything to slip through my fingers like sand, and then — struck by the sudden and sobering realization that another twelve months had elapsed and I couldn’t remember a thing — I emerged dazed, confused, and bitterly regretful at what was lost. Once again, I have no idea where I was, what I was doing, or how I’m supposed to do any differently.

"The saying hurts: You’ve made your bed, now lie in it. You find yourself painfully pushed against the wall, apprehensively lower your eyes to see whose hand it is that pushes you, and, with a new pain in which the old is forgotten, recognize your own contorted hand holding you with a strength it never had for good work."

— Franz Kafka, The Diaries of Franz Kafka, 1910-1923

I am incredibly grateful to have the amount of stability that I do, though. I have the most wonderful partner, a loving and supportive family, and the means to live independently without having to work. We can’t afford to fly across the world to visit my parents and grandparents whom I haven’t seen in nine years, and we can’t afford to replace our clothes (almost all of which are frayed, fading, ill-fitting, or full of holes), and I can’t remember the last time we even left the Bega Valley to go somewhere besides a funeral, but there are still little joys worth remembering. We still get to buy cookies and ice cream, have lunch and coffee once every two weeks, see each new exhibition at the art gallery, and swim in the ocean or walk the occasional trail. I especially love to pack bagel sandwiches and a slice of date and walnut loaf and head into the local wildlife reserve, which has become something of a therapeutic ritual.

This month has had some intense emotional ups and downs, but we’re off to a pretty good start. I had the worst nightmare of my life last week, but life-changing events transpired as a direct and immediate result and I’m now experiencing a level of contentment I never thought possible. As for the year ahead, I’m cautiously optimistic for once. I’m excited and jittery and making myself a little bit dizzy thinking about moving out of this tiny apartment, but I also understand that it’s going to be a very long and exhausting journey from here on out. The first step towards being able to live the life I want to live begins with radical change, so without further ado, here are my resolutions for the New Year:

01. RETURN TO MY ROUTINE

I’ve created a schedule that will allow me to have a manageable workload and a generous amount of free time, so now I'll be able to actually make progress on my projects and pursue all the things I’ve been meaning to do, like read more books, watch more movies, and listen to more music. I’ve had a schedule before, and although I never stuck with it long-term, the improvement I saw was amazing. Turns out that going for a walk every day, getting fresh air, and sleeping an appropriate amount will do wonders for your health and mood. The hardest part is having to do it every day, but at least each day gets a little easier.

02. APPLY FOR NAME & GENDER CHANGE

This has been a long time coming. Even my doctor has been urging me to get it over and done with. Frankly, I keep forgetting about it because it rarely ever comes up. I wanted to have both my name and gender changed concurrently (so that I wouldn’t need to update my personal documents and accounts twice), but I wasn’t actually able to apply to change the latter until earlier this year, when NSW finally scrapped the requirement for applicants to have undergone a surgical procedure to be considered eligible! Until the new legislation came into effect, I was essentially barred from legal transition on the basis of being, well, unable to afford gender-affirming surgery.

03. APPLY FOR AUSTRALIAN CITIZENSHIP

I’ve been a permanent resident for several years now, but I’ve been putting off applying for citizenship over worries that my current state (long-term unemployment) might inspire doubt about my “fitness,” possibly even resulting in my application being rejected. It’s a fear that my partner assures me is unfounded, and I’ve come to accept that I ought to do it sooner rather than later. It’ll allow me to apply for an Australian passport, grant me the automatic right to re-enter the country after traveling overseas, and enable me to vote in elections.

04. APPLY FOR AN AUSTRALIAN BUSINESS NUMBER

Once I have an ABN I’ll be able to earn money from my art by taking commissions, selling assets and resources, and running a Patreon. I’ll have much more to say on this in a future post. Right now though, I need to finish organizing all of the files on my computer so I can finally have a workspace that isn’t overwhelming.

05. TAKE AT LEAST ONE COMMISSION

It doesn't matter if it's the only commission I take all year, and it doesn't matter if I only earn enough from it to buy a single chocolate bar. It just needs to be proof that it's possible for me to receive money in exchange for art. It needs to be proof that I can make this work. If it’s enough to afford a trip somewhere (anywhere), then I’ll go on a trip, because I also need to prove to myself that I’m not trapped here indefinitely.

Happy New Year!